Oh my god! I see him
open up the door.
Out on the carpet with his
shoes on the floor.
The paparazzi flash their lights,
everyone is screaming.
Oh my god! Look at his smile!
His shiny teeth are gleaming!
I own all your things,
I'm your biggest fan, I swear.
From the bottom of my heart I'd sing
an anthem to your hair.
I've sent so many letters you should
know my name by now.
And you had better listen
as I tell you how

I'm the one that loves you most.
You'll be mine, not theirs.
Tell those other girls they're toast
'cause I'm the one that cares.
I dream about you all the time
and kiss your shrine goodnight.
We can be partners in crime;
I know you're Mr. Right.

I have so much fan-fiction.
I've made all the ships.
All my posters of you have
lipstick on their lips.
Read articles about you, I
know your every move.
Your wife doesn't love you,
and I know the truth, which is

I'm the one that loves you most.
You'll be mine, not theirs.
Tell those other girls they're toast
'cause I'm the one that cares.
I dream about you all the time
and kiss your shrine goodnight.
We can be partners in crime;
I know you're Mr. Right.

I can't even
I can't even
I can't even
I can't even
I can't even
I can't even
I can't even
I can't even